Thursday, April 10, 2008

Self-esteem issues? Don’t have kids.

Maggie (holding up a Barbie doll): This you, Mommy!
Me: That’s not me, what colour is her hair?
Maggie: Yellow.
Me: Right, and what colour is my hair?
Maggie: Grey.

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Bart: I have a small butt. Maggie has a small butt. Lisa has a small butt. Mommy has a big butt.
Maggie: Yeah, Mommy big butt!
Lisa: Big butt mommy!
Bart: Mommy’s butt is so big she broke all the chairs!
Lisa: Yeah, Mommy’s butt is so big we need all new toilets!
{Chorus of laughter}

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This morning Lisa needed her hair in a bun for her dance exam. I have never put a bun in anyone’s hair.

Me: Sorry this is taking so long, hon. I’m just not very good at buns.
Lisa: Is it going to look okay?
Me: Yes, it’s looking good; I just need a few more bobby pins in there.
Lisa: Good, because you MISSED parents day at dance lessons [true], so you don’t want to look bad to them again.

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Bart: What did you pack for my snack today?
Me: Cheese & crackers, a plum and a juice.
Bart: Ah, mom. COME ON!
Me: What?
Bart: Normal moms give cookies and pudding.

20 comments:

Jess said...

Hm, let's focus on the positive... it's good that your kids are so comfortable around you that they can say things like that!

bananafana said...

I'm sorry to say I laughed through the whole post
oh my . . . I can't wait for mine to start that.

Welcome to our World said...

I laughed too... sorry! My son told me I was beautiful this morning but he has also pointed out the pimples on my chin before loudly, in public... YEAH!

JMC said...

So true! They never hesitate to tell you everything that is wrong with you.

Chantal said...

LOL gotta love them kids eh!

Don Mills Diva said...

Ouch!
They really know how to chip away at your dignity don't they?

Banana said...

Ha! We used to do the same thing about our mothers rear end. We thought it was so funny - I even made a song about it! I look back now and cringe for my poor mom.

Family Adventure said...

I was complaining about my son in my post today, too, but at least he hasn't gotten to the bum jokes yet. Any day now, I'm sure...

Heidi :)

Tessie said...

Oh, that dance thing was my favorite!

The pudding and cookies is a close second though.

SO AWESOME.

Pickles & Dimes said...

Oh god, these had me roaring!

"Cookies and pudding" - YEAH, RIGHT. Nice try, Bart!

SLynnRo said...

The dance thing is the best. Kids just like to say things like but, and they want cookies for selfish reasons, but on that one she was TOTALLY CALLING YOU OUT!

Alice said...

THANK YOU for the quiche idea! yay!

my mom was so far from normal on the lunch front. i got stuff like that grainy whole wheat bread with natural peanut butter, a juice box, and carrots. everyone else got, like, white bread, lunch meats, and cookies. i'm still bitter.

Saly said...

Hysterical!! I'm actually going to write about this today, but CA has been telling everybody that her daddy works at Chuck E Cheese's.

He doesn't.

He is very embarrassed. (not that working there is a bad thing, if you are so inclined.....)

ED loves to talk about butts. Oh dear.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

I am so totally impressed that you remembered to write these gems down. So cute.
Sorry about the butt thing though, my kids do that to me too, but about my fat belly. nice.

Crazy Daisy said...

Oh, goodness. Cute stuff

desperate housewife said...

Those are awesome. I esp. liked the dance thing, too. She's old enough to know how to play on your fear of social rejection! Fabulous!

Laural Dawn said...

I just finally caught up on all of your posts!
This one killed me. Matt would say the same thing! Seriously.
Though yesterday I put on a long shirt/dress thing and Matt said "wow. You look like a beautiful princess." it was sweet.

Artemisia said...

ha, ha! Oh, at least you guys all like each other, eh?

For all this abuse, you deserve another weekend getaway!

Misty said...

What is it with kids and the hilarity surrounding butts? I so don't get it.

Nowheymama said...

This reminds me of my sister complaining that our parents never kept any "normal food" in the house. And now I'm the mother who serves weird food.