Before work

My morning before work:

• Wake up at 6:15
• Go downstairs and transfer the wet laundry to the dryer.
• Creep upstairs quietly to get a shower in before the monsters wake up.
• Have my shower, interrupted approximately half-way through by a sleepy-eyed, bed headed preschooler in dinosaur jammies proclaiming "I slept in my bed all night". (Lying bugger did not, seeing as I woke up with your knee in my back)
• Wrestle my towel away from said preschooler, who thinks it's pretty funny to leave mommy dripping wet and cold
• Throw on a robe and get preschooler dressed
• Get baby out of her crib and get her dressed amidst great protest
• Take little ones downstairs to start breakfast
• Referee screaming match over Blue's Clues plastic figure
• Go back upstairs to wake an overtired 6-year-old who was out late for a school event
• Undo knot in 6-year-old's robe that she just got and JUST WANTS TO WEAR WHILE SHE EATS HER BREAKFAST. Please.
• Return downstairs to Alphabits hell. Preschooler decided to get started without me.
• Start toast, hot cereal and cold cereal for 6-year-old, preschooler and baby, respectively.
• Make a bottle for baby so her fingers don't fall off milking that imaginary cow
• Put jam on the toast. NOT the raspberry, the strawberry!
• Transfer toast to Ariel plate. Who knew we were off Cinderella this week?
• Start cold cereal and toast for 6-year-old and preschooler respectively
• Run upstairs to wake the husband and turn on the news
• Get dressed while I'm up there. Jacket's a little wrinkly. It will have to do.
• Go back downstairs and butter the next batch of toast, sprinkle with cinnamon sugar
• Run to the basement to retrieve the laundry. Deliver clean boxers to the husband.
• Plead with the husband to get out of bed so he can help a little.
• Brush my hair and put on some make-up while I'm up there. No time to dry my hair today; gel will have to do its magic
• One more get up request to the husband. HE'S UP. Awake and up aren't the same, asshole
• Back downstairs. Need to make 6-year-old's lunch. Sandwich - check. Vegetables - check. Dip - check. Fruit - check. Juice - check. Lunch made. Now recess: grapes - check. Apples, cut up with a touch of cinnamon sugar - check. All packed in Princess backpack - check.
• Sorry guys, yep juice is on its way. Yes, you can have the Ariel cup and you can have the Finding Nemo cup.
• Sub day at school? Shit. I'm taking your lunch to work.
• Pizza money due today. For May and June? $9 exact change required. Double shit.
• Back upstairs to scour the nightstands for $9 even. Found it.
• Back downstairs. Put $9 and duly completed pizza form in a ziplock and into the backpack. All set.
• Crap. 6-year-old can't go to school in a robe.
• Back upstairs, pick out some clothes and bring them down.
• I know you're still waiting for juice. I'll get that while you get dressed.
• Who leaves the juice jug with only half a serving of juice left? I have my theories.
• The green shirt is fine. It looks nice. Let's get your hair done. No, it's not done - you slept on it all night.
• Sorry, baby, I can't let you out of chair yet. I know you'll make a beeline for the stairs.
• Good morning, babysitter! Baby's got some guk in her eye, make sure you don't share washcloths today. 6-year-old has her play tonight, encourage rest after school. We're low on Homo milk for baby, will have to sub with Skim. Sorry the kitchen's a mess. Again.
• Are you ready? Okay, I'll get in the car. Hurry!
• Bye monsters! Have a great day!

His morning before work:

• Shit
• Shower
• Bye monsters! Have a great day!

Converstation on the way to work:

Him: I need a day off soon. I'm exhausted.

Me: Bite me.