I’ve picked up a few gems of wisdom over the past week that I’m happy to share:
1. If your clothes dryer breaks and you decide to clean out the exhaust pipe before the repair guy comes (because, God forbid the repair guy thinks you don’t keep a clean exhaust pipe), wear gloves. There just may be a dead mouse in there and you may touch it. Gloves may prevent you from losing your lunch.
2. If you lose weight, monitor not just your shrinking dress size, but also your shrinking ring size. If you don’t, you may just lose your diamond engagement ring down the drain and have to get a quick Internet lesson on how to take the pipes apart.
3. If your daughter comes to you screaming and frantically swatting at her tongue, don’t panic and assume she has somehow come into contact with poison. It may just be that her tongue has come into contact with her own hair. It is also not wise in this situation to laugh at her hysterically. She won’t be at all happy.
4. If your preschool son tells you, out of the blue, “mom, I’m not evil”, don’t jump to the conclusion that someone (the nanny) has labeled him as such. It’s possible that your husband thought it was a good idea to watch a documentary about Jeffrey Dahmer with his little boy by his side.
5. If your husband keeps commenting on how much better you look with your new haircut, don’t automatically take it as flattery. It could be that all those times you thought you were having a bad hair day, you weren’t the only one who noticed.
6. If you live in Canada, don’t assume that April showers bring May flowers. Those April showers could also bring snow and hail and wind and a bunch of grumpy people who had to retrieve their winter coats, boots and shovels from their respective places of summer hibernation.