Last night, Homer, Maggie and I went to a local burger joint as a treat. This place has really good burgers (including veggie burgers), amazing onion rings and a huge selection of hard ice cream, in case you haven’t indulged enough with your first course. Kids love the environment because it’s bright and loud (the workers sing as they’re making your meal) and kids always get a free ice cream and balloons.
It was fun and Maggie loved being the centre of our universe, eating French fries with ketchup! And Pickles! And Chocolate Milk! And Ice Cream! Not a healthy meal, by any means, but thankfully she eats well and the daycare feeds her good stuff all day.
I had the veggie burger and Homer and I shared a small order of onion rings. Homer took Maggie up to select her ice cream and got some for us to share. I felt a little gross after eating all that junk, and immediately looked up the nutritional information when I got home, which made me feel even worse.
Why do I do this? I eat really well most of the time, but when I do indulge, I feel guilty and sick and a little fatter than an hour before.
I have some really strange food hang-ups. Like, in my building at work, there is a food court with all manner of healthy and not-so-healthy meal options. I have access to donuts, fresh pastries, cookies, chips and chocolate bars all day. There are 4 different places I can go for coffee. Sounds convenient and awesome, right?
EXCEPT, I don’t like other people to see me eat junk food. So, I WON’T buy the cookies or the chips at work. I have never had a pizza slice or even a sandwich on a onion bun here. If I don’t bring my lunch, I usually opt for a whole-wheat bagel with light cream cheese or a bowl of soup.
I usually buy two coffees a day, but never 2 from the same place in a day. What if the ladies make a comment about my coffee consumption?
If there’s a potluck, people always comment that they count on me to bring something healthy.
At the grocery store, I feel the need to tell the cashier that the bag of chips amongst the sea of fruits, vegetables, yoghurt and whole grains, is for my husband. We wouldn’t want this random person who I do not know to think that I’m scarfing down that whole bag, would we?
Last week, I spotted a White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookie when I was ordering my coffee. Man, I wanted that cookie. Did I buy it? No. Did I go out after work that day and buy white chocolate and macadamia nuts and make my own whole-wheat version of the cookie? Why, yes I did. So, instead of buying the one cookie for $.89, I spent ten times that on ingredients for a whole batch. But, at least I’m eating them in the privacy of my own home.
I know these hang-ups are just weird. I’m sure it’s somehow my mother’s fault, but I don’t know how. It’s like I have a health rep to protect. Like, if I’m *caught* someone will out me for not being who I pretend to be. Like one walk on the junk side will take me from health hero to health fraud. Except, I’m not a health hero, so what am I doing?