Monday, November 5, 2007

On the ledge.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned that my nanny is pregnant. Because she will be a single mom, she’s also moving back to her hometown (far away) and does not plan to return. Two weeks ago, she announced that she would like to finish up with us at the end of November (instead of at Christmas, which was the original plan), which meant I needed to get off my ass and make new arrangements sooner rather than later (and I’m such a later kind of gal). I hate childcare issues. Hate them. Hate them. HATE THEM.

I still don’t have anything for Maggie, but two options in the works are to put her in the daycare centre that I used to oversee in my old job. I know and like everyone there and it’s only a 10 minute walk from work. The other option is to take her to our old home-based daycare provider (when it was just Lisa and Bart), who is awesome. She lives about 20 minutes out of my way, but Homer and I agree that it’s worth the drive because of her awesomeness. The problem with both of these options is that they have no available spots, but I’m at the top of the waiting list for both. If neither of those comes through in the next couple of weeks, I’m screwed. But for some reason, this does not worry me in the least.

I am so conflicted about the arrangements I’ve made for Lisa and Bart. I found a home daycare that will pick Bart up at lunch and keep him for the afternoons, then pick Lisa up at the end of the day. Two of Bart’s classmates will also be there so he’ll have kids to play with and Lisa and the lady’s son know each other, so she’ll be fine too. Sounds good, right? It will be much easier on Homer, as he now has to leave work, pick up Bart and run him home, then go back to work everyday. So why am I conflicted? I feel horrendous guilt that Bart won’t have a mom or dad picking him up at the kindergarten door. I think of all the little gaffers running out to the waiting arms of their parents and poor little Luke going to Gregory’s mom.

Seriously, this one thing has me on the ledge, telling Homer I want to quit my job, stay at home and pick up my own kid. Crazy? Before you vote, let me lay it out for you:

*Absolutely nothing will change for me; I’ll see him no more and no less than I do now.

*Bart is excited about the arrangements, as he’ll have a couple of buddies to play with in the afternoon.

*I will be saving money (about $145 a week over the nanny)

*Much easier on Homer

*Bart will be picked up by someone else’s mom.

So, why am I out here on the ledge? Is this what working mom’s guilt feels like? If it is, it sucks. Big time.


Misty said...

Oh, the working mommy's guilt is a terrible terrible thing.

You and me? We will quit our jobs and stay home with kids and live on sunshine and smiles.

No? It will be ok. When you see how much he is loving it, maybe you will feel better?

bananafana said...

Mommy guilt is awful. But just pretend you're carpooling and doing something great for the environment or something. Everyone in our neighborhood always carpooled anyways so my mom wasn't usually the one who dropped me off or picked me up and I never knew the difference. Of course, now I'm trying to figure out how I can change my hours at my job when O is in school so that I can pick him up so who am I to talk?

bananafana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Family Adventure said...

Look, if he's excited about it, then give it a try. If you really, really hate it later, then maybe you can reconsider your options (though, I have to say, this solution sounds pretty near to perfect!) and see what else is out there.

I know the guilt-monster! I do. But you are NOT a bad mommy. Lots of kids go from kindergarten to a daycare provider!

Chin up!


Sara said...

Ugh, the working mom's guilt has been killing me too....especially when Eddie says "Can't you just stay home with me all the time?"


Laural Dawn said...

Yes. That is mommy guilt. Totally unnecessary, but totally huge.
I've been there - something seemingly small is the hugest deal in the world. I wish I could say something to make it better.
I'm pretty sure you should keep your job though.
Could you maybe have your husband pick Luke up once or twice a week or even meet him to say hi and leave again? Or, could you maybe go and watch one day to make sure Luke is okay with it?
Sometimes it really helps me to watch from a distance to know everything is okay.
But, just so you know, I know where you're coming from.
Also - re:daycare for Macy ... Have you looked into the YMCA daycares?

LoriD said...

Misty - Sunshine and smiles sounds so nice. I don't know if I could do it though, not long-term anyway.

Laural - that's a good idea... I probably will watch from afar or even surprise him a couple of days. I have not looked in to the YMCA daycares. I assume you're recommending them, so I'll see if there are any close to home or work. Thanks for the tip!

Jess said...

My sister and I were "latchkey kids," brought home by the carpool or the school bus most days to let ourselves in and wait for our parents to come home a couple hours later. And it was fine. We didn't resent our parents or feel sad when we saw other people's parents meeting them at school. We liked getting to carpool and spend time with our friends, and we liked the quiet time after school to read or do homework before our parents got home and we had to do our chores and help with dinner.

I know that doesn't help because you already know that the working-mom guilt is unnecessary, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Swistle said...

I find that whenever I'm facing a CHANGE, I get that awful feeling. I've been "on a ledge" about my child taking the bus, about my child starting preschool, about Paul changing jobs even if it's to a better one--WHATEVER. And I'm an at-home mom, so I don't think it's necessarily a working-mom thing.

Banana said...

I don't know if it helps to hear other people's stories, but I was a latch-key kid as well and I never, ever felt sad or neglected or anything. I spent a lot of time with my parents and sibling, just not right after school. I'm sure it will feel like the old routine in no time.

Tessie said...

I don't know even one single working mom who hasn't wanted to quit at least once, or one single at-home mom who hasn't wanted to work. I totally get this.

My mom never picked us up either and I don't remember being bummed about it at all.

Welcome to our World said...

I agree - same boat. I vacillate between being VERY gainfully employed and loving my job and wanting to be there for my son (and hopelessly trying to determine if I want #2) The guilt can be tremendous and overwhelming but as one mother told me recently she has done both and is now working a little from home - it is hard either way. Not contributing to the family income, being on edge about finances, etc... it is just hard.

My mom did not work and she was never on time to pick me up and was not there very much for me - I figure that at some point after being a SAHM for 15 yrs she was SO over it. I also figure that I am there 100% for my son even though I work. If he is sick, I pick him up the moment they call. We have tons of time together and life is good. It is hard though but no option is easy. Hope you can find the right solution for you.